It was some time during the awkward getting-to-know-you
conversations of the first week that I found myself in a conversation, which
went a little bit deeper than “Hi! What’s your name? Where are you from?” I was
sitting at a table with Thomas and Sam on the 7th deck and Thomas
said something along the lines of, “I’m scared I won’t change.” Sam and I both knew what he
meant because we both kind of sat there in silent understanding after he spoke.
I think almost everyone on SAS had the same fear at the beginning. You worry
that you will get off the boat in San Diego, the semester will become a memory
of “that time you went around the world,” and you will slip back into your life
before, the same person you were when you left.
“Because if I haven’t figured it out after this, there is no
hope,” Thomas continued. I remember feeling like he took the words straight from
my mouth. When you go around the world, you expect, and others expect you, to
come back with something to show for it. A profession. A clearly mapped out
plan for the rest of your life. A husband. A wife. A soon-to-be best selling novel. A discovery of Buddhism. Something. And, so, you
worry that you won’t “do it right” and will come back with nothing to show for it.
A few things happened between now and then, and I don’t mean
just to me. For one, we were picked out of our lives at home and
transplanted onto a floating dead zone of communication, with no Internet or
phones. We learned to have conversations with each other rather than responding
to that text we just got or updating our Facebook status. We bonded over things
like traveler’s diarrhea in India and eating piranha in the Amazon rather than
remembering how drunk we were last night.
We swam in the Amazon, danced on the Taj Mahal, fed hungry children,
and got lost on the subways of Tokyo. We met parents and children, friends and
enemies, the wise and the dishonest. We literally saw the world.
The things we won’t tell you about are the fleeting
moments when we went for it when we never would have before, or when someone or
something surprised us. Or, those moments when we felt like hugging everyone
because…I don’t know, maybe we realized the world really must be a good place.
But, also, those moments when we felt disappointed, angry, and lonely because
we were let down by the people around us. And, in the end, that is what changed
us. What we did not realize at the beginning was that we really did not have a
choice.
I have been home for 3 weeks now and have struggled to
pinpoint how I am different. I have felt like no one understands me, I have
felt like no one cares enough to listen to my stories, I have gotten angry when
my friends and family complain about things like their food being cold. But,
all of those things were expected. How is this Sara different
from the Sara that stepped on to that boat 4 months ago? I still
don’t have that answer for you. Maybe you know better than I do.
I guess you will just have to take my word for it. I
changed. Some things I do know, for sure. I know that years, maybe decades,
down the road, I will still be feeling and realizing the gravity of what I have
just done. I don’t know what I am going to do this summer, next year, or when I
graduate college that will make a difference to my life and the lives of others. But, I know I will figure it out and do it, if it kills me,
because it will be what I love and am meant to do. I know that I will meet many
more amazing people who understand the beauty of this ball that we live on. I know I have left the boat with brothers and sisters for life,
whom I can call upon and rely upon forever. I know I will go for “it,” whatever
“it” may be, with everything I have, because anything less isn’t worth it. I
won’t let anything hold me back.
I guess, that is all I’ve got for you, folks. Sorry there's no husband or best selling novel to go with it. Thank you so
much for following me on my journey. This world is yours as much as it is mine, so I challenge you to
take it on, with everything you have, NOW. I am not a huge fan of ending on a quote but I really think Ayn Rand was onto something when she wrote in her book Atlas Shrugged, "Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.” So go for it people. It's yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment